Toi et moi ring

GIA describes the toi et moi as a style with two gemstones sitting next to each other, and says the stones may match or contrast in shape, size or colour. It adds that they are often held in prongs or bezels, and that the design can use diamonds, coloured gemstones or both. The name is French for “you and me”, and some auction coverage writes it the other way round, as “moi et toi”.

It is a ring style, not a single kind of setting. Each stone has its own prongs or bezel, and the band can be plain or carry smaller stones. It is also not a three-stone ring, where a centre stone sits between two smaller ones. The two are separate styles.

Because neither stone is the centre, the ring gives both equal weight. Some people choose it for that balance, others to put a diamond beside a coloured gemstone.

The toi et moi has been popular for centuries. Its best-known example is the ring Napoleon Bonaparte gave Joséphine de Beauharnais at their engagement. Auction coverage describes a pear-shaped diamond and a pear-shaped dark blue sapphire on a slim gold band, and IDEX reports each stone at about a carat. The Jewellery Editor says the engagement lasted two weeks before the couple married on 9 March 1796.

The ring was sold by the Osenat auction house at Fontainebleau, France, on March 24, 2013. Trade reports give a pre-sale estimate of about €10,000 to €15,000 and a result just under US$1 million; the two reports differ slightly on the exact figure (US$949,000 in one, US$935,000 in the other). IDEX says the price reflected the ring's history rather than the commercial value of its stones.

For the wider story of how engagement rings developed, see the history of the engagement ring.

There is no rule, only trade-offs. Decide first whether you want the stones to look like a pair or to contrast, then check each stone on its own. Ask for both stones' measurements in millimetres, not just their carat weights, because two stones of equal weight can differ in width (see carat weight).

If both are diamonds and you want them to read as a matched pair, compare their colour grades side by side, because small differences are easier to see when two stones sit next to each other.

The stone shapes themselves are covered in the entries on pear cuts and oval cuts.

It can be, with a little more attention than a single-stone ring. Diamond ranks 10 on the Mohs scale but can still be damaged, and may chip if struck at certain inclusions. Other gemstones differ in hardness, so ask how a coloured stone will wear. A toi et moi has two stones to protect, so there are two heads to look after. GIA suggests having the prongs of an engagement ring checked every six months, and says a six-prong setting can offer more protection than a four-prong one, because the extra prongs help hold the diamond if one breaks.

Try the ring on before you commit. Two stones side by side take more room than one, so judge the combined width in millimetres against your hand and your daily routine.

If you will add a wedding band, GIA advises making sure the two rings' silhouettes match and that they fit together. A straight band may not sit flush against two wide stones, so a shaped band or a matched bridal set is worth asking about.

A toi et moi suits a custom order, because the shapes, sizes, stones and the way they sit on the band are all choices. Bring a sketch or photos and note what you like about them in the design studio. A custom engagement ring appointment can then turn that into a design, and the showrooms are where you can try rings on. You can also browse engagement rings for reference.

A stone laid across the finger rather than along it is covered in the article on east-west engagement rings.